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Narcissist's Addiction Atypical Classical addiction - to drugs, alcohol, gambling, or to other compulsive behaviors - provides the addict with an exoskeleton: boundaries, rituals, timetables, and order in an otherwise chaotically disintegrating universe. Not so for the narcissist. Admittedly, like the addict's search for gratification, the narcissist's pursuit of narcissistic supply is frenetic and compulsive and ever-present. Yet, unlike the addict's, it is not structured, rigid, or ritualistic. On the contrary, it is flexible and inventive. Narcissism, in other words, is an adaptive behavior, albeit one that has outlived its usefulness. Addiction is merely self-destructive and has no adaptive value or reason. Finally, at heart, all addicts are self-destructive, self-defeating, self-loathing, and even suicidal. In other words: addicts are predominantly masochists. Narcissists, in contrast, are sadists and paranoids. They lapse into masochism only when their narcissistic supply runs hopelessly dry. The narcissist's masochism is aimed at restoring his sense of (moral) superiority (as a self-sacrificial victim) and to prod him into a renewed effort to reassert himself and hunt for new sources of narcissistic supply. Thus, while the addict's brand of masochism is nihilistic and suicidal - the narcissist's masochism is about self-preservation. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of ...

Narcissist's False Modesty The "modesty" displayed by narcissists is false. It is mostly and merely verbal. It is couched in flourishing phrases, emphasised to absurdity, repeated unnecessarily -- usually to the point of causing gross inconvenience to the listener. The real aim of such behaviour and its subtext are exactly the opposite of common modesty. It is intended to either aggrandise the narcissist or to protect his grandiosity from scrutiny and possible erosion. Such modest outbursts precede inflated, grandiosity-laden statements made by the narcissist and pertaining to fields of human knowledge and activity in which he is sorely lacking. The person to whom the falsely modest statement is addressed is expected to vehemently deny the narcissist's claims: "But, really, you are more of an expert than you say!", or "Why did you tell me that you are unable to do (this or that)? Truly, you are very gifted!" "Don't put yourself down so much - you are a generous man!" The narcissist then shrugs, smirks, blushes and moves uncomfortably from side to side. This was not his intention, he assures his interlocutor. He did not mean to fish for compliments (exactly what he did mean to do). He really does not deserve the praise. But the aim has, thus, been achieved: the Narcissistic Supply has been doled out and avidly consumed. Despite the narcissist's protestations, he feels much better now. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print ...

Can You Diagnose Your Narcissist? The Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a disease. It is defined only by and in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM). All other "definitions" and compilations of "criteria" are irrelevant and very misleading. People go around putting together lists of traits and behaviors (usually based on their experience with one person who was never officially diagnosed as a narcissist) and deciding that these lists constitute the essence or definition of narcissism. People are erroneously using the term "narcissist" to describe every type of abuser or obnoxious and uncouth person. That is wrong. Not all abusers are narcissists. Only a qualified mental health diagnostician can determine whether someone suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and this, following lengthy tests and personal interviews. It is true that narcissists can mislead even the most experienced professional (see the article above). But this does not mean that laymen possess the ability to diagnose mental health disorders. The same signs and symptoms apply to many psychological problems and differentiating between them takes years of learning and training. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissistic-

Narcissist's Language as Weapon With the classic narcissist, language is used cruelly and ruthlessly to ensnare one's enemies, to saw confusion and panic, to move others to emulate the narcissist ("projective identification"), to leave the listeners in doubt, in hesitation, in paralysis, to gain control, or to punish. Language is enslaved and forced to lie. The language is appropriated and expropriated. It is considered to be a weapon, an asset, a piece of lethal property, a traitorous mistress to be gang raped into submission. With cerebral narcissists, language is a lover. The infatuation with its very sound leads to a pyrotechnic type of speech which sacrifices its meaning to its music. Its speakers pay more attention to the composition than to the content. They are swept by it, intoxicated by its perfection, inebriated by the spiralling complexity of its forms. Here, language is an inflammatory process. It attacks the very tissues of the narcissist's relationships with artistic fierceness. It invades the healthy cells of reason and logic, of cool headed argumentation and level headed debate. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissistic-

Narcissist: Re-Parent Yourself! To a narcissist, I would recommend a functional approach, along the following lines: Know and accept thyself. This is who you are. You have good traits and bad traits and you are a narcissist. These are facts. Narcissism is an adaptive mechanism. It is dysfunctional now, but, once, it saved you from a lot more dysfunction or even non-function. Make a list: what does it mean to be a narcissist in your specific case? What are your typical behaviour patterns? Which types of conduct do you find to be counterproductive, irritating, self-defeating or self-destructive? Which are productive, constructive and should be enhanced despite their pathological origin? Decide to suppress the first type of behaviours and to promote the second. Construct lists of self-punishments, negative feedback and negative reinforcements. Impose them upon yourself when you have behaved negatively. Make a list of prizes, little indulgences, positive feedbacks and positive reinforcements. Use them to reward yourself when you adopted a behaviour of the second kind. Keep doing this with the express intent of conditioning yourself. Be objective, predictable and just in the administration of both punishments and awards, positive and negative reinforcements and feedback. Learn to trust your "inner court". Constrain the sadistic, immature and ideal parts of your personality by applying a uniform codex, a set of immutable and invariably applied rules. Once sufficiently conditioned, monitor yourself incessantly ...

Forgive the Narcissist? Forgiving is an important capability. It does more for the forgiver than for the forgiven. But it should not be a universal, indiscriminate behaviour. It is legitimate not to forgive sometimes. It depends, of course, on the severity or duration of what was done to you. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissistic-

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Twitter Narcissism It has become fashionable to castigate Twitter - the microblogging service - as an expression of rampant narcissism. Yet, narcissists are verbose and they do not take kindly to limitations imposed on them by third parties. They feel entitled to special treatment and are rebellious. They are enamored with their own voice. Thus, rather than gratify the average narcissist and provide him or her with narcissistic supply (attention, adulation, affirmation), Twitter is actually liable to cause narcissistic injury. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissistic-

The Libertines - Narcissist (the french sessions)

When Narcissists Use Children ASC will respond to video and written comments at /blog or only. The English transcript can be viewed at /blog. Thank you.

Narcisst - The libertines (videocilp) Libertines´s Narcisst videocilp

#6 Narcissists go from Loving to Devaluing You Get your FREE RELATIONSHIP REPORT: Narcissists have intense but superficial relationships. Relationships with narcissists start out ok, because you are LURED in, but as time goes on, you begin to feel uneasy. They will smother you with admiration when they want you for their narcissistic supply, but will devalue, smear you, and punish you when they are finished with you and have found your replacement. They may even dangle themselves and their new love in your face afterward, insinuating that "aren't you glad we found out now that it wasn't going to work out between us? My new friend is soooo much more compatible than you and I were!" TACTLESS, PAINFUL, CRUEL!

Pathological Narcissism What is the difference between healthy narcissism and pathological narcissism? Visit HealthyPlace for in-depth information on Narcissism, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and the narcissist:

Can Narcissist Truly Love? One type of narcissist "loves" others as one would attach to objects. He "loves" his spouse, for instance, simply because she exists and is available to provide him with Narcissistic Supply. He "loves" his children because they are part of his self-image as a successful husband and father. He "loves" his "friends" because -- and only as long as -- he can exploit them. Such a narcissist reacts with alarm and rage to any sign of independence and autonomy in his "charges". He tries to "freeze" everyone around him in their "allocated" positions and "assigned roles". His world is rigid and immovable, predictable and static, fully under his control. He punishes for "transgressions" against this ordained order. He thus stifles life as a dynamic process of compromising and growing -- rendering it instead a mere theatre, a tableau vivant. The other type of narcissist abhors monotony and constancy, equating them, in his mind, with death. He seeks upheaval, drama, and change -- but only when they conform to his plans, designs, and views of the world and of himself. Thus, he does not encourage growth in his nearest and dearest. By monopolizing their lives, he, like the other kind of narcissist, also reduces them to mere objects, props in the exciting drama of his life. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse ...

What does a narcissist MEAN when he/she says ______________ ? I will be going over common statements that any person makes, but from a narcissist, those statements have a hidden meaning.

NARCISSISTS VS. PSYCHOPATHS (Dr. Sam Vaknin) FOR MORE FREE VIDEOS ON THIS TOPIC CLICK HERE: The author of this cartoon's text is: Dr. Sam Vaknin()

The Narcissists - Graffwriters

Narcissism: Genetics or Abuse, Nature or Nurture? Is pathological narcissism the outcome of inherited traits - or the sad result of abusive and traumatizing upbringing? Or, maybe it is the confluence of both? It is a common occurrence, after all, that, in the same family, with the same set of parents and an identical emotional environment - some siblings grow to be malignant narcissists, while others are perfectly "normal". Surely, this indicates a predisposition of some people to developing narcissism, a part of one's genetic heritage. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissistic-

Empaths and Narcissists - What do they have in common? What do empaths and narcissists have in common. And why do so many of them end up in relationships together? A look at why empaths and highly sensitive people end up in relationships with Dark Souls or those with Narcisistic personality disorder, psychopathy or sociopaths.

Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist Book trailer dramatizing recently published book by Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.about narcissists and narcissism. The book is a guide for identifying and dealing with narcissists encountered at work,at home, and in personal relationships. The book offers specific successful strategies for dealing with narcissists.

The Libertines - Narcissist Professionally trendy in the glow of Clapham sun There's life after work and it can be such fun You see all the models in magazines and on the walls You wanna be just like them Cause they're so cool They're just narcissists Well wouldn't it be nice to be Dorian Gray? Just for a day They're just narcissists Oh, what's so great to be Dorian Gray Every day? We're living in a looking glass As the beauty of life goes by You're going to be so oh You're going to grow so old Your skin so cold Well they're just narcissists Well wouldn't it be nice to be Dorian Gray Just for a day? Such narcissists what's so great to be Dorian Gray Every day? They're just narcissists Wouldn't it be great to be Dorian Gray? Just for a day Just for a day

Narcissist as Eternal Child The narcissist is a partial adult. He seeks to avoid adulthood. Infantilisation -- the discrepancy between one's advanced chronological age and one's retarded behaviour, cognition, and emotional development -- is the narcissist's preferred art form. Some narcissists even use a childish tone of voice occasionally and adopt a toddler's body language. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissistic-

Narcissist in Court and Litigation You should distinguish the factual pillar from the psychological pillar of any cross-examination of a narcissist or deposition made by him. It is essential to be equipped with absolutely unequivocal, first rate, thoroughly authenticated and vouched for information. The reason is that narcissists are superhuman in their capacity to distort reality by offering highly "plausible" alternative scenarios, which fit most of the facts. On or off the stand, it is very easy to "break" a narcissist -- even a well-trained and well-prepared one. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissistic-

Killin' It with Paul Crik - NARCISSISM There is no such thing as a person who is not a narcissist. And there is no such thing as a person who is not a voyeur. There are only narcissists and ultra-narcissists, voyeurs and ultra-voyeurs! Paul discusses a few variations of the narcissistic character-from the charming to the vulgar . Killin' It is wireless motivation for a new generation. Killin' It is a mantra. Its a philosophy that's as simple or as complex as you like. When we say I'm Killin' It we know the basic meaning of the phrase. Were on top of it, ready to meet life head on at work or play. Killin' It doesn't conform to social mores or expectations. The growing numbers of people who have succeeded at Killin' It form social ties that dont just land them a network-based glad-handed favor, they make friends for life; an extended family of some of the most entertaining, good-hearted, humble, and successful people currently alive.

Narcissist: Is He or Isn't He? Isn't your definition of malignant narcissism too wide? Having read it, I think that it fits my neighbours, friends, and family to a "t". Everyone seems to be a narcissist to me now! This is an understandable reaction. All of us have narcissistic TRAITS. Some of us even develop a narcissistic PERSONALITY, or a narcissistic STYLE. Moreover, narcissism is a SPECTRUM of behaviors - from the healthy to the utterly pathological (a condition known as the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD). (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissistic-

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The Narcissists - Fanatik RIP The Narcissists - "Fanatik RIP" feat. Banji & Salem. Video by Than. The video was nominated for "BEST VIDEO" in the Swedish Hiphop Prize 2004. Visit:

Narcissists Hard to Spot Pathological narcissism is the art of deception. The narcissist projects a False Self and manages all his social interactions through this concocted fictional construct. People often find themselves involved with a narcissist (emotionally, in business, or otherwise) before they have a chance to discover his true nature. When the narcissist reveals his true colors, it is usually far too late. His victims are unable to separate from him. They are frustrated by this acquired helplessness and angry that they failed to see through the narcissist earlier on. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissistic-

Narcissist's Routines The behaviour of the narcissist is regulated by a series of routines developed by rote learning and by repetitive patterns of experience. The narcissist finds change extremely distasteful and unsettling. He is a creature of habit. The function of these routines is to reduce his anxiety by transforming a hostile and arbitrary world into a hospitable and manageable one. Granted, many narcissists are unstable - they often change jobs, apartments, spouses, and vocations. But even these changes are predictable. The narcissistic personality is disorganized - but also rigid. The narcissist finds solace in certainty, in recurrence, in the familiar and the anticipated. It balances his inner precariousness and volatility. Narcissists often strike their interlocutors as "machine-like", "artificial", "fake", "forced", "insincere", or "spurious". This is because even the narcissist's ostensibly spontaneous behaviours are either planned or automatic. The narcissist is continuously preoccupied with his Narcissistic Supply - how to secure its sources and the next dose. This preoccupation restricts the narcissist's attention span. As a result, he often appears to be aloof, absent-minded, and uninterested in other people, in events around him, and in abstract ideas - unless, of course, they have a direct bearing on his Narcissistic Supply. The narcissist develops some of his routines to compensate for his inability to attend to his environment. Automatic reactions require much less ...

Indifferent Narcissist Early on in life, the narcissist learns to disguise his socially-unacceptable indifference as benevolence, equanimity, cool-headedness, composure, or superiority. "It is not that I don't care about others" -- he shrugs off his critics -- "I am simply more level-headed, more resilient, more composed under pressure... They mistake my equanimity for apathy." The narcissist tries to convince people that he is compassionate. His profound lack of interest in his spouse's life, vocation, interests, hobbies, and whereabouts he cloaks as benevolent altruism. "I give her all the freedom she can wish for!" -- he protests -- "I don't spy on her, follow her, or nag her with endless questions. I don't bother her. I let her lead her life the way she sees fit and don't interfere in her affairs!" He makes a virtue out of his emotional truancy. All very commendable but when taken to extremes such benign neglect turns malignant and signifies the voidance of true love and attachment. The narcissist's emotional (and, often, physical) absence from all his relationships is a form of aggression and a defence against his own thoroughly repressed feelings. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissistic-

Narcissists: Masculine and Feminine Look around you. Self absorption. Greed. Frivolity. Social anxiety. Lack of empathy. Exploitation. Abuse. These are not marginal phenomena. These are the defining traits of the West and its denizens. The West's is a narcissistic civilization. It upholds narcissistic values and penalizes the alternative value-systems. From an early age, children are taught to avoid self-criticism, to deceive themselves regarding their capacities and achievements, to feel entitled, to exploit others. Litigiousness is the flip side of this inane sense of entitlement. The disintegration of the very fabric of society is its outcome. It is a culture of self-delusion. People adopt grandiose fantasies, often incommensurate with their real, dreary, lives. Consumerism is built on this common and communal lie of "I can do anything I want and possess everything I desire if I only apply myself to it". There is one incriminating piece of evidence - the incidence of NPD among men and women. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissistic-

Narcissists Hate Women, Are Misogynists Narcissists are misogynists. They team up with women who serve as Sources of SNS (Secondary Narcissistic Supply). The woman's chores are to accumulate past Narcissistic Supply (by witnessing the narcissist's "moments of glory") and release it in an orderly manner to regulate the fluctuating flow of primary supply and compensate in times of deficient supply. Otherwise, cerebral narcissists are not interested in women. Most of them are a***ual (desire *** very rarely, if at all). They hold women in contempt and abhor the thought of being really intimate with them. Usually, they choose for partners submissive women whom they disdain for being well below their intellectual level. This leads to a vicious cycle of neediness and self-contempt ("How come I am dependent on this inferior woman"). Hence the abuse. When Primary NS is available, the woman is hardly tolerated, as one would reluctantly pay the premium of an insurance policy. Narcissists of all stripes do regard the "subjugation" of an attractive woman to be a Source of Narcissistic Supply, though. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissistic-

Can Narcissism be Cured? Adult narcissists can rarely be "cured", though some scholars think otherwise. Still, the earlier the therapeutic intervention, the better the prognosis. A correct diagnosis and a proper mix of treatment modalities in early adolescence guarantees success without relapse in anywhere between one third and one half the cases. Additionally, ageing moderates or even vanquishes some antisocial behaviours. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissistic-

Narcissistic Relationships - An Introduction At www.Stop-The- you can learn more about your narcissistic relationship, how to protect yourself, and how to deal with a narcissistic partner. Narcissistic Relationships bring with them huge risks to the partner of the narcissist because their behavior is a manifestation of an excessive ego and self absorption at the cost of everyone around them. Over the years, if this behavior doesn't change, it generally results in a codependent, emotionally draining and abusive relationship. Visit http for a full overview of how narcissistic relationships impact on a partner.

Narcissist or Psychopath? What Are the Differences? As opposed to most narcissists, psychopaths are either unable or unwilling to control their impulses or to delay gratification. They use their rage to control people and manipulate them into submission. Psychopaths, like narcissists, lack empathy but many of them are also sadistic: they take pleasure in inflicting pain on their victims or in deceiving them. They even find it funny! (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissistic-

Narcissist's Insignificant Other: Typical Spouse or Intimate Partner First and foremost, the narcissist's partner must have a deficient or a distorted grasp of her self and of reality. Otherwise, she (or he) is bound to abandon the narcissist's ship early on. The cognitive distortion is likely to consist of belittling and demeaning herself -- while aggrandising and adoring the narcissist. The partner is, thus, placing herself in the position of the eternal victim: undeserving, punishable, a scapegoat. Sometimes, it is very important to the partner to appear moral, sacrificial and victimised. At other times, she is not even aware of this predicament. The narcissist is perceived by the partner to be a person in the position to demand these sacrifices from her because he is superior in many ways (intellectually, emotionally, morally, professionally, or financially). The status of professional victim sits well with the partner's tendency to punish herself, namely: with her masochistic streak. The tormented life with the narcissist is just what she deserves. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissistic-

Narcissist's Family As siblings or progeny grow older, the narcissist begins to see their potential to be edifying, reliable and satisfactory Sources of Narcissistic Supply. His attitude, then, is completely transformed. The former threats have now become promising potentials. He cultivates those whom he trusts to be the most rewarding. He encourages them to idolise him, to adore him, to be awed by him, to admire his deeds and capabilities, to learn to blindly trust and obey him, in short to surrender to his charisma and to become submerged in his follies-de-grandeur. It is at this stage that the risk of child abuse - from emotional incest and up to and including outright incest - is heightened. The narcissist is auto-***. He is the preferred object of his own ***ual attraction. His siblings and his children share his genetic material. Molesting or having intercourse with them is as close as the narcissist gets to having *** with himself. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissistic-

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Inverted Narcissist (Narcissist Codependent) To "qualify" as an inverted narcissist, you must CRAVE to be in a relationship with a narcissist, regardless of any abuse inflicted on you by him/her. You must ACTIVELY seek relationships with narcissists and ONLY with narcissists, no matter what your (bitter and traumatic) past experience has been. You must feel EMPTY and UNHAPPY in relationships with ANY OTHER kind of person. Only then, and if you satisfy the other diagnostic criteria of a Dependent Personality Disorder, can you be safely labelled an "inverted narcissist". (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissistic-

Dealing With A Narcissist: Emotional Freedom in Action Author of EMOTIONAL FREEDOM,Dr. Orloff discusses Chapter 5 (Emotional Vampires) of her book--how to protect yourself from narcissists--people who are self-obsessed, lack empathy, and can suck your energy dry. Warning: don't fall in love with one. Learn more at

Mourning the Narcissist At the commencement of the relationship, the Narcissist is a dream-come-true. He is often intelligent, witty, charming, good looking, an achiever, empathetic, in need of love, loving, caring, attentive and much more. He is the perfect bundled answer to the nagging questions of life: finding meaning, companionship, compatibility and happiness. He is, in other words, ideal. It is difficult to let go of this idealized figure. Relationships with narcissists inevitably and invariably end with the dawn of a double realisation. The first is that one has been (ab)used by the narcissist and the second is that one was regarded by the narcissist as a disposable, dispensable and interchangeable instrument (object). The assimilation of this new gained knowledge is an excruciating process, often unsuccessfully completed. People get fixated at different stages. They fail to come to terms with their rejection as human beings -- the most total form of rejection there is. We all react to loss. Loss makes us feel helpless and objectified. When our loved ones die -- we feel that Nature or God or Life treated us as playthings. When we divorce (especially if we did not initiate the break-up), we often feel that we have been exploited and abused in the relationship, that we are being "dumped", that our needs and emotions are ignored. In short, we again feel objectified. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or ...